Grief and Loss: An Interview With Deb McGarvey, LSW

Today we’re excited to share our interview with Deb McGarvey, LSW, a Chicago-area therapist who specializes in helping clients deal with grief and loss. Drawing on professional and personal experiences with various types of loss, Deb also has a background in community partnerships. With grief and loss being such universal experiences, we’re excited to learn from Deb’s expertise:

You explore many facets of grief and loss. What are some elements of how we experience and process grief that many people are not aware of until they’re in the midst of it?

There is no right or wrong way to grieve; grief looks different for everyone. Sometimes the feelings that come with a loss aren’t the feelings we might expect, everything from anger to relief or even a lack of strong emotions. There’s no common timeline to grief, and it isn’t a straight line. So having good days and bad days is totally normal. Often people experience a second wave about three or four months after a loss. Grief and loss can also bring physical symptoms, such as headaches, nausea, or a feeling of breathlessness. Many people are uncomfortable around loss, so when you are dealing with loss, people in your life may say or do things that are super unhelpful, even though they have good intentions.

Those are such important things to be aware of Deb, both as people who experience grief as well as people who support others who are grieving. Many people think of grief as mourning the loss of a loved one. What are some other circumstances that tend to evoke grief?

So many experiences can bring feelings of grief and loss, such as loss of a romantic relationship, injuries or health changes, fertility challenges, becoming an empty nester, or loss of a job or career. Caregivers, as well as other family members, may experience grief as they watch their loved one change over time as the result of dementia or another illness. 

That’s a common thing we work with families on too, the grieving of a loved one who is still alive but has been through significant health, cognitive, and behavioral changes. What are some ways in which you work with people to process grief?

Talking about a loss can be hugely therapeutic in and of itself. When we experience loss, people around us may feel uncomfortable or be unsure of what to say, so having someone who can listen with care and compassion is really important. I’m a big proponent of mindfulness and meditation, which I’ve personally found to be very grounding, and which can help us regulate our nervous systems so we can function even when we are experiencing strong emotions. I also like to know what people’s cultural norms are around mourning and what support systems they have, to help them use those supports and rituals to help them navigate their loss. I welcome and honor all religious and cultural backgrounds.

This is such a beautiful approach, Deb. How can people prepare themselves if they anticipate going through a challenging situation where grief may be present?

It’s never too early to reach out to a therapist or look for a support group. Having a safe, supportive space to process feelings and thoughts about an upcoming situation can help normalize your experience and give you tools to use. If you’re someone who likes to read and learn that way, there are books specific to certain types of illnesses or experiences that can help prepare you as well.